Brandon, first of all, your website looks great. I loved the picture of the elephant on the home page. It is the perfect size and it is so colorful. I also thought the picture that you used on your Introduction was great. Both of the links to these pictures worked. I found the website very easy to maneuver and read. If I had one thing to suggest, it would be to take away the search bar and the comment section. I just feel like you do not need these things.
Within your Introduction, I didn’t notice many grammar mistakes. One mistake that I did notice was within the sentence, “They woke up in their room together, yet were still dreaming.” Look online for compound sentence rules. I do not believe that you need the comma after “together” but I would double check. I did notice a few other compound sentence mistakes within the Introduction. Overall, it was well written.
I thought the story was a great way to introduce your four stories. It was very clever and made sense. I really have no negative comments about the narrative. Great job!
Brandon, I am really interested to read what the rest of your stories in this story book are about! Your introduction was good, and it made me laugh because I have met a few people with the names Singh and Deepak.
I really liked your website, and the picture of the elephant on the front was so cute! I'm sure that's exactly what you want to hear. Ha! It is colorful and fun, and the navigation was easy to follow. However, you need to get rid of the sitemap and the comments section on your webpage. Other than that, the site looks good and is easy to follow.
As far as your writing goes, I am impressed! I have seen some story books that have major revisions to do, but your turned out pretty good! Thanks for doing such a good job on your writing!
Overall, your introduction was really good and easy to follow along. I am looking forward to reading the rest of your story book!
Hey Brandon! I was so so wowed by your introduction! What a fascinating subject!! The title of your storybook is what caught my attention and I was not disappointed. It is a really interesting framework you have constructed and I really enjoyed learning more about it. Your spelling and grammar are great and it really helped the story flow. I could feel the little boy’s anticipation and excitement when Ganesha showed up, and your brief introductions of the stories you are going to be telling were good. They were detailed enough that I got a little taste of what the stories will be about, but they weren’t too much and they did not give too much away. It makes me want to read more of them! I also like that your stories are going to be teaching morals. Those are exactly the kind of stories a loving father would tell two restless young boys at bedtime, and it is also what a god would try to get little boys to listen to. Finally, your images are beautiful and perfect. Great, great job!
Brandon, First I want to mention your website. I love what you have done with it and how you have layed everything out. Visually your website and your entire storybook are very pleasing. I really love how you give the sense of anticipation as the boys rush to bed. At first when Singh walked into the room with two eggshell halves I was so confused what was going on I had no clue where you were going with the story. Once I started reading more I thought it was super cute that you used eggshells as a teaching object in the story. My favorite part of the story was when you explained that Indra hurled all of these mighty weapons made of lightning against Ravana. I sure wouldn’t want weapons of lightning thrown at me in a time of battle. It was so sweet how you described you boys drifting off to sleep at the end of the story. Great Story I am excited to read more!
Hi Brandon! That is awesome that you’re from Roanoke. Ironically, almost all of my guy friends from early high school are from there. They graduated from Northwest High school, I’m not sure if you went there but their names were Shae, Marcus, and Eric. We all graduated in 2010 (yes, I am kind of old haha). That is awesome that you are getting your MBA. You are going to be very successful. Best of luck to you, Brandon!
I actually went to Northwest High school as well! I graduated in 2011, but I did know quite a few people that were a year ahead of me. I don't think I knew a Shae or Marcus, but thats still really cool!
First off, I love the look of your storybook. It's so colorful and fun. I also liked that you put your Author's Note at the beginning of your first story because that really helped me understand the Legend of Airavata before I read it and helped me notice the details you weaved in to tell the story.
The images you chose are beautiful and add a lot to your stories. I especially like the Elephants amongst the clouds image. I think you writing is very visual and is great for storytelling. You forgot the word "halves" in between "two" and "much" in the paragraph where Singh is talking about Garuda.
I also wouldn’t mind knowing some more details about Deepak and Tupac. Just things like how old they are, what they like to do, what they look like. Overall, I feel that you have a great storybook and it is a lot of fun to read :)
Brandon, I am commenting on The Legend of Airavata. I think that you did great job at keeping the focus on Airavata. I loved the idea that you chose to have Singh use props to tell these stories. I think it shows great characterization of their father as extremely caring and creative. Overall, I think that your story was great with a combination of dialogue and storytelling. Stylistically, I liked that you chose to insert multiple images. Furthermore, your images were great choices. I especially loved the one of the elephants with the clouds. It was beautiful.
Within the story, I didn’t see too many things wrong such a grammar mistakes. For example, within the first few lines, this phrase “the boys rush in excitement” seems to be missing a word or it is the use of a wrong word. There are a few of these types of mistakes. I would just suggest reading it aloud to fix these.
Brandon, I am commenting on your introduction and your first story "The Legend of Airavata." I thought this was a very great idea for your storybook. I love elephants, so I was excited to read this. The photos that you used on the home page, the introduction and the first story were great! I loved them all, especially all the colors that were being used! I also thought it was a great idea to tell this story as bedtime stories to kids. I love bedtime stories, so this was great. I didn't see too many things wrong in the story, although there were a few grammar mistakes. But other than that, it was great. Good character development and the use of dialogue! Overall, great job! I am excited to read more stories from you!
Hi, Brandon! As soon as I saw the title of your storybook, I knew I had to check it out! Elephants are my all-time favorite animals. I absolutely adore them! Your idea for this storybook is awesome. The site looks great with all of its colors. It really pops out at you. I really like the image of the colorful elephant on the cover page. For some reason it reminds of that one scene in the Disney movie Dumbo, where Dumbo drinks some “adult beverages” and starts hallucinating and sees all these elephants dancing around him, haha. I’m not sure if you have ever seen it but this is exactly what I thought of when I first saw your picture. I like the idea of a children’s bedtime story book. Can I just point out how awesome the names for the two children are? I never knew Tupac was so interested in his Indian heritage ;) Keep up the great work, Brandon! I can’t wait to read more of your posts.
I believe I've already commented on your introduction, and how beautiful your pages are, so for this comment I'll be focusing on your first story. I really like the storytelling style you chose, and as a reader I appreciate the introduction you had included. I like how you summed up the story that was being told, in order to ensure your readers don't have any means to become confused.
One of the things I noticed in the summary of this story, was the flow of this particular sentence "To end his story and give the boys dreams of an epic battle Singh plans to portray Airavata’s epic attack against the demon king Ravana" was a little off and hard to get through. After reading the sentence again, perhaps you can just place a commas after "story" and "battle." For example, "To end his story, and to give the boys dreams of an epic battle, Singh plans to portray Airavata’s epic attack against the demon king Ravana." It's just a suggestion!
I really like how you implemented the glass of milk and eggshells while Singh was telling his stories. Anyone who knows anything about children, knows that they love visual props!
Another thing I noticed in your Author's Note is just add a "'s" to Singh in the sentence, "By using Singh's detailed storytelling..." Overall, you did a GREAT job with this story, and I cannot wait to come back and see what else your storybook has in store!
Brandon I read your introduction and the story of patience. As others of said, first of all, great website. It was very easy to navigate and I had no problems at all reading either the intro or the story.
Regarding the story, I really liked it. I like the idea of the bedtime stories. That can be a very easy tool to get creative with your stories but at the same time be able to convey messages in all of them as you did in the first one. Sing is an awesome character I feel like and is very relatable to a parent who is always smarter than the child, but as children we always refused to admit it. Also, really enjoyed how you talked often about walking the noble path. I believe that message to be one of great importance and one that is not told enough.
Overall, great story and I will for sure be checking in down the road to see what creative bedtime story you come up with next.
Hi Brandon, this week I am going to be commenting on A Lesson in Patience. So from your Introduction, I understand that this is one of the stories that Ganesha told the boys to ask about. However, I was a little confused when the story was placed before the Introduction within your page map on your website. I am sure that this is just a simple mistake that can easily be fixed. If it is supposed to be this way I would suggest putting it after The Legend of Airavata because it would just make more sense. For this entry of your storybook, I think that you did a really great job. I could not find any grammatical errors. I like that instead of the boys asking for a story, their father just taught them one that Ganesha had talked about. Suspicious. Plus, I love the note about you and your friends trying to make this cooler with Harry Potter. That made me laugh.
I don’t know why I haven’t looked at your storybook before this time! I love elephants and I am so excited that I found your storybook! First, let me say how much I love the picture of the elephant you used on your main page. I think it is truly beautiful and perfect for this Indian Epics class with all of the colors.
Today I read your Introduction and I think you did a great job! I love Ganesha so I am glad you added him into your introduction. I liked Tupac’s reaction to being floating in the air above their beds. You portrayed Ganesha’s clam demeanor very well. Reading your introduction really made me want to read your other stories, because Ganesha picked four really good stories to tell about. I have read about Airavata, but not any of the other ones. I can’t wait to come back and read more of your stories. Keep up the good work!
Loved the introduction! I think by adding Ganesha you were able to make your bedtime stories theme for your storybook more unique. Also, elephants have always intrigued me, so it made me excited to dive into your stories.
A Lesson in Patience: I love that you prefaced your story! Of course, adding a harry potter element was genius! I appreciated your nutria image, so that I didn’t have to research it on my own.
I also think it is great when you interrupt the story and give a sneak peak back on Tupac and Deepak. Especially to point out that they should correct their mistakes and move forward. I think a lot of people still hold grudges toward one another even after apologies have been made.
This might be nitpicky, but in your third paragraph I think it might sound better to take out the word today and say ‘You both misbehaved, but…’ since you used today in the previous sentence. In your second to last paragraph you need another comma after honorable (‘It was peaceful, honorable, and respectful.’)
Hi Brandon! I really love the cover image for your storybook! So vibrant and colorful! I read the introduction to your storybook and I was immediately drawn in by your skill at dialogue. The conversations flow smoothly, and I was never lost in the prose. I also like how you chose elephants as your main topic. I hadn’t thought too much about how great of a role elephants play in Indian stories until reading your storybook. I don’t know very much about Ganesha, so I’m glad that you added him as a character in your introduction. You did a great job incorporating him as a character who introduces all the stories in your project. I only remember Airavata from the story about Hanuman’s birth, so I’m excited to learn more about him from The Legend of Airavata. Overall, everything looks excellent so far, and I look forward to reading more of your storybook!
The cover photo for your storybook is perfect! Its fits the theme of elephants and bedtime stories very well. I love the colors and the design reminds me of children's imagination and creativity.
Today, I read the Introduction for your storybook and I am hooked! You really captured the essence of a child's desire and eagerness to listen to stories. My kiddos always look forward to reading, or hearing, bedtime stories at night.
I think it is neat that you included a "dream" in which Tupac and Deepak are floating above their beds and actually meet Ganesha. One of the main components of my own storybook is the narrator being visited in her dreams by a goddess.
I think it is also great that you emphasize the importance of stories and how they are not just for entertainment purposes. I believe we can always learn a lesson from any story that we may read.
The paragraphs are spaced very well and the dialogue flows seamlessly. I did not really come across any major grammatical or spelling errors. Great job!
At first glance, I love the layout of your Storybook. It is vibrant, and the colors are appealing. So are the pictures! Even with the vibrant colors, your text flows well against the background.
Your introduction is great, and very cute. I love the excitement in the children wanting to hear stories from their father. And I enjoy that you set up the Storybook to be about stories of learning, instead of just pleasure.
I then read “A Lesson in Patients”. The little intro was so cute and funny, and definitely sounded like little boys!
I would recommend going through the story and counting the number of times you used the word “said” and trying to find a different speaking verb to brighten it up a bit.
When the dad is telling the story, you should create new paragraphs each time a new character speaks. That paragraph is pretty confusing.
Other than that, god job! Your author’s note looks good too.
Brandon, I chose to come back to your storybook for my third comment choice because I enjoyed your introduction so much. Again, your pictures are awesome. I especially like the one with the elephants underneath the clouds. It creates a real bond between elephants and the rain. Secondly, I love the detail in your story. The kids almost spilling about their experience with Ganesha the night before was very realistic, and something two excited little kids would definitely do. I also enjoyed how you had the dad bring little props into the room. That was a cute touch that also brought your story to life. Finally, I liked what you included in your description of the elephant. If you had gone too in depth you would have run out of words, and children would have lost their focus, but you did not gloss over anything or include too much in this tale. I got a solid sense of who the elephant was without being overwhelmed with too much information. Great job!
Hey Brandon! This comment is about the design/layout of your blog. The first thing that I saw when I came to your blog is the rain drops on the background. The lock screen on my phone has a similar image to it except behind the rain drops is the Eiffel Tower. I like the colors of the mountain with the blues, greys and whites. Your blog is very soft on the eyes and that is one of the main reasons why I like it.
Oh I love that picture of the elephant! All the colors and details! It made me think of that time of year when they throw colors at each other! Perfect! Your introduction was great! It was laughing a little bit when I saw one of the boy’s names was Tupac, because it made me instantly think of 2 Pac and that he was some sort of gangster kid. Make sure that you remain in the past tense; there were one or two instances when you used the present tense in the first paragraph. I found it funny that Ganesha was just a little bit sassy when he told the boys that they needed patience and that they should grow in character. I really like how you do not just go straight into the dialogue, but rather set the scene as to what is about to happen. I really enjoyed this story. You did a great job! Keep up the good work!
Brandon, your storybook is awesome! I love the elephant theme, and you've done a really good job with the layout of your website. It looks super cool, and it's easy to navigate.
I like the way you are framing the elephant stories. I think it's really creative the way you're able to relate the old legends to common challenges kids face today. I especially liked your third story! You retold it very well. I kind of felt like Deepak and Tupac when I was reading it. When I realized that he himself was the dead elephant, I was like, "Nooooooooooooo! He's too kind!" It's a really moving story, and I'm glad you chose it for your storybook. There was a lot of skill in the way you tied that into a realistic problem Tupac had at school.
Another thing that I noticed that was really good was the dialogue. You do a great job shifting between childlike voices for Deepak and Tupac and a more fatherly voice for Singh. It sounds very real. Also, all of your stories flow really well together, and I found it helpful the way you provide some background information in italics at the beginning of each story. The whole thing was fun to read! Great job, Brandon!
Brandon, I am commenting on your storybook as I read it, Firstly, i absolutely LOVE the picture of the elephant on your cover page. OMG, it is so pretty! The layout of the storybook is super creative. The navigation tabs are working well. Great job on that!
I love the diversity of character names in your story- Tupac and Deepak. I've read the introduction before, moving onto the first story, I like how you said "Ganesha filled their heads with so many wonderful images.." Lord Ganesha is usually worshiped for intelligence and creativity.
I did not notice any big grammatical/spelling errors in this story except this possible one. "When Garuda hatched, his eggshell remained broken in two much like this." - I think there should be a comma after 'two" and before "much."
Overall, I think your story sounds great. Very unique idea and very well composed. I had always heard of Airavat but had no idea what his significance was. Now I do! :)
Hello again, Brandon! I just read your third story, “The Importance of Selflessness” and I thought it was great! The story the dad told the kids was a great example of how we all need to be more selfless. Even if it means sacrificing our own happiness for others. I didn’t see too many grammatical errors except for one where it says “Son, did you anything to help him?” I just saw that there was a “do” missing. But other than that your story was great and got the point across! The spacing helped me to read the story better and the pacing and dialogue between the sons and the father was all written very well. Overall I really enjoyed your story and I hope your semester went well! Great job and good luck with finals that are coming up.
Hi Brandon! I chose your storybook for my free pass this week. I picked it for the elephants, of course! I love the image you chose for the cover. It is so colorful like the rest of your storybook. I haven't seen a storybook with that much color yet, so it's a nice change! I think that your introduction is great! I love when people choose to tell stories as a bedtime story. These stories seem so creative. I love when Ganesha appeared to the boys. You did a great job of showing their excitement. I also think that you set up the rest of your storybook very well. I look forward to reading these stories! On your first story, I really like that you italicized the beginning. It really helps separate this section from the rest of the story. This section is also very well written and prepares the reader for the story! You did a great job writing this story. I love how excited the boys are to hear the stories about the elephants from their dad. Good luck with the rest of your storybook and the semester!
Oh my goodness! Your homepage is so colorful! I love it! I am already happy to be reading your storybook! Haha, I am reading your first story and introduction, by the way, since I have not looked at your storybook previously. All I can think of when I read “Tupac” is the rapper. Not sure how I feel about this, haha. Awesome! You put a link in the story. I love when people do this! Makes it so much easier to understand things and it definitely beats putting the explanation in the author’s note, after you have already read the entire story while confused. On the first story, I like that you opened with an aside and put those words in italics. It’s a simple thing, but italics can really help add clarity to a story when the narration is changing. Overall, I really liked your story and I am looking forward to reading more! You are doing a good job!
Below are a few corrections from your introduction: “Singh was exhausted after a long days work” Days should have an apostrophe between the y and the s, like this: day’s When the boys are telling their dad goodnight, the word goodnight is just one word, not two. And then from your first story: “That’s right, son. Airavata, the great white elephant. With four mighty tusks! He is the king of the elephants and the glorious mount of Indra!” There are some fragments in the description of the elephant, as well as some capitalization issues. Here is a possible way of correcting these issues: ““That’s right, son. Airavata, the great white elephant who boasted four mighty tusks! He is the king of the elephants and the glorious Mount of Indra!” I added the verb “boasted” and changed the sentences a little to make them all one complete sentence, and I capitalized “Mount” because it is a proper phrase: “Mount of Indra”.
Hey Brandon! Your storybook looks fantastic. Interesting topic you got here! Elephants are a big part of epics. First of all, I love the picture of the elephant on your cover page. I love all the colors you used for the website. I enjoyed reading your introduction because it was so cute how you had the dialogues between the dad and the kids. I can't wait to read more of your stories! Great job on your storybook :)
I read the story called "the legend of airavata". I think you did a great job focusing on the elephants instead of the human characters. I like your style of writing because it really does feel like I'm reading a bed time story. My favorite thing about your story is that you teach life lesson through the stories you tell. I like how the story contains some meaning which we can apply to our lives.
I was drawn to your storybook because of your title. I love elephants and wanted to see what your stories were all about. I’m in the mythology and folklore class and have never read any stories from the Indian Epics class so I was excited to give it a try. First off, I really love the design of your blog. The image your chose is really bright and love the watercolor image. The background was nice too and I like the incorporation of so many colors. It was really easy to navigate through your site and you have quite a few stories so it was nice to be able to read through them all easily. As I read through them, what stuck out to me were all the images you included in your stories. They are all different but really cool. Great job on your storybook and I wish I would have visited earlier than this!
I was drawn to your storybook because of your title. I love elephants and wanted to see what your stories were all about. I’m in the mythology and folklore class and have never read any stories from the Indian Epics class so I was excited to give it a try. First off, I really love the design of your blog. The image your chose is really bright and love the watercolor image. The background was nice too and I like the incorporation of so many colors. It was really easy to navigate through your site and you have quite a few stories so it was nice to be able to read through them all easily. As I read through them, what stuck out to me were all the images you included in your stories. They are all different but really cool. Great job on your storybook and I wish I would have visited earlier than this!
Brandon, first of all, your website looks great. I loved the picture of the elephant on the home page. It is the perfect size and it is so colorful. I also thought the picture that you used on your Introduction was great. Both of the links to these pictures worked. I found the website very easy to maneuver and read. If I had one thing to suggest, it would be to take away the search bar and the comment section. I just feel like you do not need these things.
ReplyDeleteWithin your Introduction, I didn’t notice many grammar mistakes. One mistake that I did notice was within the sentence, “They woke up in their room together, yet were still dreaming.” Look online for compound sentence rules. I do not believe that you need the comma after “together” but I would double check. I did notice a few other compound sentence mistakes within the Introduction. Overall, it was well written.
I thought the story was a great way to introduce your four stories. It was very clever and made sense. I really have no negative comments about the narrative. Great job!
Brandon,
ReplyDeleteI am really interested to read what the rest of your stories in this story book are about! Your introduction was good, and it made me laugh because I have met a few people with the names Singh and Deepak.
I really liked your website, and the picture of the elephant on the front was so cute! I'm sure that's exactly what you want to hear. Ha! It is colorful and fun, and the navigation was easy to follow. However, you need to get rid of the sitemap and the comments section on your webpage. Other than that, the site looks good and is easy to follow.
As far as your writing goes, I am impressed! I have seen some story books that have major revisions to do, but your turned out pretty good! Thanks for doing such a good job on your writing!
Overall, your introduction was really good and easy to follow along. I am looking forward to reading the rest of your story book!
Hey Brandon! I was so so wowed by your introduction! What a fascinating subject!! The title of your storybook is what caught my attention and I was not disappointed. It is a really interesting framework you have constructed and I really enjoyed learning more about it. Your spelling and grammar are great and it really helped the story flow. I could feel the little boy’s anticipation and excitement when Ganesha showed up, and your brief introductions of the stories you are going to be telling were good. They were detailed enough that I got a little taste of what the stories will be about, but they weren’t too much and they did not give too much away. It makes me want to read more of them! I also like that your stories are going to be teaching morals. Those are exactly the kind of stories a loving father would tell two restless young boys at bedtime, and it is also what a god would try to get little boys to listen to. Finally, your images are beautiful and perfect. Great, great job!
ReplyDeleteBrandon, First I want to mention your website. I love what you have done with it and how you have layed everything out. Visually your website and your entire storybook are very pleasing. I really love how you give the sense of anticipation as the boys rush to bed. At first when Singh walked into the room with two eggshell halves I was so confused what was going on I had no clue where you were going with the story. Once I started reading more I thought it was super cute that you used eggshells as a teaching object in the story. My favorite part of the story was when you explained that Indra hurled all of these mighty weapons made of lightning against Ravana. I sure wouldn’t want weapons of lightning thrown at me in a time of battle. It was so sweet how you described you boys drifting off to sleep at the end of the story. Great Story I am excited to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Brandon! That is awesome that you’re from Roanoke. Ironically, almost all of my guy friends from early high school are from there. They graduated from Northwest High school, I’m not sure if you went there but their names were Shae, Marcus, and Eric. We all graduated in 2010 (yes, I am kind of old haha). That is awesome that you are getting your MBA. You are going to be very successful. Best of luck to you, Brandon!
ReplyDeleteI actually went to Northwest High school as well! I graduated in 2011, but I did know quite a few people that were a year ahead of me. I don't think I knew a Shae or Marcus, but thats still really cool!
DeleteHi Brandon,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love the look of your storybook. It's so colorful and fun. I also liked that you put your Author's Note at the beginning of your first story because that really helped me understand the Legend of Airavata before I read it and helped me notice the details you weaved in to tell the story.
The images you chose are beautiful and add a lot to your stories. I especially like the Elephants amongst the clouds image. I think you writing is very visual and is great for storytelling. You forgot the word "halves" in between "two" and "much" in the paragraph where Singh is talking about Garuda.
I also wouldn’t mind knowing some more details about Deepak and Tupac. Just things like how old they are, what they like to do, what they look like. Overall, I feel that you have a great storybook and it is a lot of fun to read :)
Brandon, I am commenting on The Legend of Airavata. I think that you did great job at keeping the focus on Airavata. I loved the idea that you chose to have Singh use props to tell these stories. I think it shows great characterization of their father as extremely caring and creative. Overall, I think that your story was great with a combination of dialogue and storytelling. Stylistically, I liked that you chose to insert multiple images. Furthermore, your images were great choices. I especially loved the one of the elephants with the clouds. It was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteWithin the story, I didn’t see too many things wrong such a grammar mistakes. For example, within the first few lines, this phrase “the boys rush in excitement” seems to be missing a word or it is the use of a wrong word. There are a few of these types of mistakes. I would just suggest reading it aloud to fix these.
Brandon, I am commenting on your introduction and your first story "The Legend of Airavata." I thought this was a very great idea for your storybook. I love elephants, so I was excited to read this. The photos that you used on the home page, the introduction and the first story were great! I loved them all, especially all the colors that were being used! I also thought it was a great idea to tell this story as bedtime stories to kids. I love bedtime stories, so this was great. I didn't see too many things wrong in the story, although there were a few grammar mistakes. But other than that, it was great. Good character development and the use of dialogue! Overall, great job! I am excited to read more stories from you!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi, Brandon! As soon as I saw the title of your storybook, I knew I had to check it out! Elephants are my all-time favorite animals. I absolutely adore them! Your idea for this storybook is awesome. The site looks great with all of its colors. It really pops out at you. I really like the image of the colorful elephant on the cover page. For some reason it reminds of that one scene in the Disney movie Dumbo, where Dumbo drinks some “adult beverages” and starts hallucinating and sees all these elephants dancing around him, haha. I’m not sure if you have ever seen it but this is exactly what I thought of when I first saw your picture. I like the idea of a children’s bedtime story book. Can I just point out how awesome the names for the two children are? I never knew Tupac was so interested in his Indian heritage ;) Keep up the great work, Brandon! I can’t wait to read more of your posts.
ReplyDeleteI believe I've already commented on your introduction, and how beautiful your pages are, so for this comment I'll be focusing on your first story. I really like the storytelling style you chose, and as a reader I appreciate the introduction you had included. I like how you summed up the story that was being told, in order to ensure your readers don't have any means to become confused.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I noticed in the summary of this story, was the flow of this particular sentence "To end his story and give the boys dreams of an epic battle Singh plans to portray Airavata’s epic attack against the demon king Ravana" was a little off and hard to get through. After reading the sentence again, perhaps you can just place a commas after "story" and "battle." For example, "To end his story, and to give the boys dreams of an epic battle, Singh plans to portray Airavata’s epic attack against the demon king Ravana." It's just a suggestion!
I really like how you implemented the glass of milk and eggshells while Singh was telling his stories. Anyone who knows anything about children, knows that they love visual props!
Another thing I noticed in your Author's Note is just add a "'s" to Singh in the sentence, "By using Singh's detailed storytelling..." Overall, you did a GREAT job with this story, and I cannot wait to come back and see what else your storybook has in store!
Brandon I read your introduction and the story of patience. As others of said, first of all, great website. It was very easy to navigate and I had no problems at all reading either the intro or the story.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the story, I really liked it. I like the idea of the bedtime stories. That can be a very easy tool to get creative with your stories but at the same time be able to convey messages in all of them as you did in the first one. Sing is an awesome character I feel like and is very relatable to a parent who is always smarter than the child, but as children we always refused to admit it. Also, really enjoyed how you talked often about walking the noble path. I believe that message to be one of great importance and one that is not told enough.
Overall, great story and I will for sure be checking in down the road to see what creative bedtime story you come up with next.
Hi Brandon, this week I am going to be commenting on A Lesson in Patience. So from your Introduction, I understand that this is one of the stories that Ganesha told the boys to ask about. However, I was a little confused when the story was placed before the Introduction within your page map on your website. I am sure that this is just a simple mistake that can easily be fixed. If it is supposed to be this way I would suggest putting it after The Legend of Airavata because it would just make more sense.
ReplyDeleteFor this entry of your storybook, I think that you did a really great job. I could not find any grammatical errors. I like that instead of the boys asking for a story, their father just taught them one that Ganesha had talked about. Suspicious. Plus, I love the note about you and your friends trying to make this cooler with Harry Potter. That made me laugh.
I don’t know why I haven’t looked at your storybook before this time! I love elephants and I am so excited that I found your storybook! First, let me say how much I love the picture of the elephant you used on your main page. I think it is truly beautiful and perfect for this Indian Epics class with all of the colors.
ReplyDeleteToday I read your Introduction and I think you did a great job! I love Ganesha so I am glad you added him into your introduction. I liked Tupac’s reaction to being floating in the air above their beds. You portrayed Ganesha’s clam demeanor very well. Reading your introduction really made me want to read your other stories, because Ganesha picked four really good stories to tell about. I have read about Airavata, but not any of the other ones. I can’t wait to come back and read more of your stories. Keep up the good work!
Loved the introduction! I think by adding Ganesha you were able to make your bedtime stories theme for your storybook more unique. Also, elephants have always intrigued me, so it made me excited to dive into your stories.
ReplyDeleteA Lesson in Patience:
I love that you prefaced your story! Of course, adding a harry potter element was genius! I appreciated your nutria image, so that I didn’t have to research it on my own.
I also think it is great when you interrupt the story and give a sneak peak back on Tupac and Deepak. Especially to point out that they should correct their mistakes and move forward. I think a lot of people still hold grudges toward one another even after apologies have been made.
This might be nitpicky, but in your third paragraph I think it might sound better to take out the word today and say ‘You both misbehaved, but…’ since you used today in the previous sentence. In your second to last paragraph you need another comma after honorable (‘It was peaceful, honorable, and respectful.’)
Great job!
Hi Brandon! I really love the cover image for your storybook! So vibrant and colorful! I read the introduction to your storybook and I was immediately drawn in by your skill at dialogue. The conversations flow smoothly, and I was never lost in the prose. I also like how you chose elephants as your main topic. I hadn’t thought too much about how great of a role elephants play in Indian stories until reading your storybook. I don’t know very much about Ganesha, so I’m glad that you added him as a character in your introduction. You did a great job incorporating him as a character who introduces all the stories in your project. I only remember Airavata from the story about Hanuman’s birth, so I’m excited to learn more about him from The Legend of Airavata. Overall, everything looks excellent so far, and I look forward to reading more of your storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi Brandon!
ReplyDeleteThe cover photo for your storybook is perfect! Its fits the theme of elephants and bedtime stories very well. I love the colors and the design reminds me of children's imagination and creativity.
Today, I read the Introduction for your storybook and I am hooked! You really captured the essence of a child's desire and eagerness to listen to stories. My kiddos always look forward to reading, or hearing, bedtime stories at night.
I think it is neat that you included a "dream" in which Tupac and Deepak are floating above their beds and actually meet Ganesha. One of the main components of my own storybook is the narrator being visited in her dreams by a goddess.
I think it is also great that you emphasize the importance of stories and how they are not just for entertainment purposes. I believe we can always learn a lesson from any story that we may read.
The paragraphs are spaced very well and the dialogue flows seamlessly. I did not really come across any major grammatical or spelling errors. Great job!
At first glance, I love the layout of your Storybook. It is vibrant, and the colors are appealing. So are the pictures! Even with the vibrant colors, your text flows well against the background.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is great, and very cute. I love the excitement in the children wanting to hear stories from their father. And I enjoy that you set up the Storybook to be about stories of learning, instead of just pleasure.
I then read “A Lesson in Patients”. The little intro was so cute and funny, and definitely sounded like little boys!
I would recommend going through the story and counting the number of times you used the word “said” and trying to find a different speaking verb to brighten it up a bit.
When the dad is telling the story, you should create new paragraphs each time a new character speaks. That paragraph is pretty confusing.
Other than that, god job! Your author’s note looks good too.
Brandon,
ReplyDeleteI chose to come back to your storybook for my third comment choice because I enjoyed your introduction so much. Again, your pictures are awesome. I especially like the one with the elephants underneath the clouds. It creates a real bond between elephants and the rain. Secondly, I love the detail in your story. The kids almost spilling about their experience with Ganesha the night before was very realistic, and something two excited little kids would definitely do. I also enjoyed how you had the dad bring little props into the room. That was a cute touch that also brought your story to life. Finally, I liked what you included in your description of the elephant. If you had gone too in depth you would have run out of words, and children would have lost their focus, but you did not gloss over anything or include too much in this tale. I got a solid sense of who the elephant was without being overwhelmed with too much information. Great job!
Hey Brandon! This comment is about the design/layout of your blog. The first thing that I saw when I came to your blog is the rain drops on the background. The lock screen on my phone has a similar image to it except behind the rain drops is the Eiffel Tower. I like the colors of the mountain with the blues, greys and whites. Your blog is very soft on the eyes and that is one of the main reasons why I like it.
ReplyDeleteHey Brandon,
ReplyDeleteOh I love that picture of the elephant! All the colors and details! It made me think of that time of year when they throw colors at each other! Perfect! Your introduction was great! It was laughing a little bit when I saw one of the boy’s names was Tupac, because it made me instantly think of 2 Pac and that he was some sort of gangster kid. Make sure that you remain in the past tense; there were one or two instances when you used the present tense in the first paragraph. I found it funny that Ganesha was just a little bit sassy when he told the boys that they needed patience and that they should grow in character. I really like how you do not just go straight into the dialogue, but rather set the scene as to what is about to happen. I really enjoyed this story. You did a great job! Keep up the good work!
Brandon, your storybook is awesome! I love the elephant theme, and you've done a really good job with the layout of your website. It looks super cool, and it's easy to navigate.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you are framing the elephant stories. I think it's really creative the way you're able to relate the old legends to common challenges kids face today. I especially liked your third story! You retold it very well. I kind of felt like Deepak and Tupac when I was reading it. When I realized that he himself was the dead elephant, I was like, "Nooooooooooooo! He's too kind!" It's a really moving story, and I'm glad you chose it for your storybook. There was a lot of skill in the way you tied that into a realistic problem Tupac had at school.
Another thing that I noticed that was really good was the dialogue. You do a great job shifting between childlike voices for Deepak and Tupac and a more fatherly voice for Singh. It sounds very real. Also, all of your stories flow really well together, and I found it helpful the way you provide some background information in italics at the beginning of each story. The whole thing was fun to read! Great job, Brandon!
Brandon, I am commenting on your storybook as I read it, Firstly, i absolutely LOVE the picture of the elephant on your cover page. OMG, it is so pretty! The layout of the storybook is super creative. The navigation tabs are working well. Great job on that!
ReplyDeleteI love the diversity of character names in your story- Tupac and Deepak. I've read the introduction before, moving onto the first story, I like how you said "Ganesha filled their heads with so many wonderful images.." Lord Ganesha is usually worshiped for intelligence and creativity.
I did not notice any big grammatical/spelling errors in this story except this possible one.
"When Garuda hatched, his eggshell remained broken in two much like this." - I think there should be a comma after 'two" and before "much."
Overall, I think your story sounds great. Very unique idea and very well composed. I had always heard of Airavat but had no idea what his significance was. Now I do! :)
Hello again, Brandon! I just read your third story, “The Importance of Selflessness” and I thought it was great! The story the dad told the kids was a great example of how we all need to be more selfless. Even if it means sacrificing our own happiness for others. I didn’t see too many grammatical errors except for one where it says “Son, did you anything to help him?” I just saw that there was a “do” missing. But other than that your story was great and got the point across! The spacing helped me to read the story better and the pacing and dialogue between the sons and the father was all written very well. Overall I really enjoyed your story and I hope your semester went well! Great job and good luck with finals that are coming up.
ReplyDeleteHi Brandon!
ReplyDeleteI chose your storybook for my free pass this week. I picked it for the elephants, of course! I love the image you chose for the cover. It is so colorful like the rest of your storybook. I haven't seen a storybook with that much color yet, so it's a nice change! I think that your introduction is great! I love when people choose to tell stories as a bedtime story. These stories seem so creative. I love when Ganesha appeared to the boys. You did a great job of showing their excitement. I also think that you set up the rest of your storybook very well. I look forward to reading these stories!
On your first story, I really like that you italicized the beginning. It really helps separate this section from the rest of the story. This section is also very well written and prepares the reader for the story! You did a great job writing this story. I love how excited the boys are to hear the stories about the elephants from their dad. Good luck with the rest of your storybook and the semester!
Oh my goodness! Your homepage is so colorful! I love it! I am already happy to be reading your storybook! Haha, I am reading your first story and introduction, by the way, since I have not looked at your storybook previously.
ReplyDeleteAll I can think of when I read “Tupac” is the rapper. Not sure how I feel about this, haha. Awesome! You put a link in the story. I love when people do this! Makes it so much easier to understand things and it definitely beats putting the explanation in the author’s note, after you have already read the entire story while confused.
On the first story, I like that you opened with an aside and put those words in italics. It’s a simple thing, but italics can really help add clarity to a story when the narration is changing.
Overall, I really liked your story and I am looking forward to reading more! You are doing a good job!
Below are a few corrections from your introduction:
“Singh was exhausted after a long days work” Days should have an apostrophe between the y and the s, like this: day’s
When the boys are telling their dad goodnight, the word goodnight is just one word, not two.
And then from your first story:
“That’s right, son. Airavata, the great white elephant. With four mighty tusks! He is the king of the elephants and the glorious mount of Indra!” There are some fragments in the description of the elephant, as well as some capitalization issues. Here is a possible way of correcting these issues: ““That’s right, son. Airavata, the great white elephant who boasted four mighty tusks! He is the king of the elephants and the glorious Mount of Indra!” I added the verb “boasted” and changed the sentences a little to make them all one complete sentence, and I capitalized “Mount” because it is a proper phrase: “Mount of Indra”.
Hey Brandon! Your storybook looks fantastic. Interesting topic you got here! Elephants are a big part of epics. First of all, I love the picture of the elephant on your cover page. I love all the colors you used for the website. I enjoyed reading your introduction because it was so cute how you had the dialogues between the dad and the kids. I can't wait to read more of your stories! Great job on your storybook :)
ReplyDeleteI read the story called "the legend of airavata". I think you did a great job focusing on the elephants instead of the human characters. I like your style of writing because it really does feel like I'm reading a bed time story. My favorite thing about your story is that you teach life lesson through the stories you tell. I like how the story contains some meaning which we can apply to our lives.
I was drawn to your storybook because of your title. I love elephants and wanted to see what your stories were all about. I’m in the mythology and folklore class and have never read any stories from the Indian Epics class so I was excited to give it a try. First off, I really love the design of your blog. The image your chose is really bright and love the watercolor image. The background was nice too and I like the incorporation of so many colors. It was really easy to navigate through your site and you have quite a few stories so it was nice to be able to read through them all easily. As I read through them, what stuck out to me were all the images you included in your stories. They are all different but really cool. Great job on your storybook and I wish I would have visited earlier than this!
ReplyDeleteI was drawn to your storybook because of your title. I love elephants and wanted to see what your stories were all about. I’m in the mythology and folklore class and have never read any stories from the Indian Epics class so I was excited to give it a try. First off, I really love the design of your blog. The image your chose is really bright and love the watercolor image. The background was nice too and I like the incorporation of so many colors. It was really easy to navigate through your site and you have quite a few stories so it was nice to be able to read through them all easily. As I read through them, what stuck out to me were all the images you included in your stories. They are all different but really cool. Great job on your storybook and I wish I would have visited earlier than this!
ReplyDelete